Picking a car is hard. But picking a breakfast cereal is pretty easy.

That's why I've come up with a fail-safe way to turn the breakfast preference knowledge you already have into the car hunting advice you've been looking for. What could be easier?

Raisin Bran

It's basically just bran, so you aren't going to be winning any prizes for being adventurous. It's a safe, solid option for anybody who doesn't think a sugar induced coma is a price worth paying for having a bit of fun once in a while.

But those two scoops of vaguely exciting raisins mean you're probably going to be the life and soul of the Fiber One folks' parties. So that's something.

All in all you're actually pretty cautious, but you still want to make it clear you're not one of those people.

Your perfect BMW is: 2018 i3s

Froot Loops

There's a 90% chance that you're a child. If you're not, you're probably fending off constant questions from close relatives about your "direction in life" (whatever that is). At least one person will have called you "interesting" behind your back without it being a compliment.

But you're self-assured enough to know that your opinion is the only one that counts. As long as you're happy, that's what matters. Who cares if friends, family and random strangers think your choice of lifestyle is literally a joke? They just haven't seen the light yet.

Your perfect BMW is: 2000 Z3 2.8 Coupe

Clackers

Clackers never actually made any sense. Did anybody ever ask for a breakfast cereal that tasted like Graham crackers? What the hell were those adverts about? And why do Kids Today™ find it so hard to believe they even existed?

They belong to a time when people knew they could do whatever crazy shit they wanted and everybody would act like it was perfectly acceptable. And despite how utterly ridiculous all this stuff objectively was, you still get people looking back acting like they never had it so good.

Whatever, guys. Have it your way.

Your perfect BMW is: 1958 Isetta 300

Cheerios

I did 30 seconds of pretty intense googling and found out that Cheerios are by far the biggest selling breakfast cereal in the US. So it's safe to say they aren't exactly uncommon. Guests won't be peering into the bowl wondering what those strange baby donuts are doing in their milk.

If anything, you could even call them unimaginative. I mean, come on... everybody's got Cheerios. Don't you want to stand out from the crowd a bit? Do something a little different? Surprise people (just not in a Clackers sort of way)?

No? Oh...

Your perfect BMW is: 2012 328i in Alpine White

Muesli

Maybe all this kiddy cartoon stuff isn't for you. As lesser beings satisfy themselves with whatever mass-produced options they can find in Walmart, you wander round Whole Foods looking for just the right combination of oats, fruits and nuts for your signature blend. Best served with fresh berries and natural yogurt.

But isn't it a bit over the top for breakfast? Can't you just grab a McMuffin on the way to the office like a normal person? No, because eating isn't about keeping yourself alive. It's about asserting your superiority over your fellow man. Making yourself a higher class of human.

Plus, muesli's from over in Europe somewhere.

Your perfect BMW is: 1982 Alpina B6 2.8